02-28-2008

Sorry about not posting a lot this week, I just didn't feel like doing much....I hope you understand.
Monday was the 10 year anniversary of my best friends death. His name was Marcus and I have know him since I was about 5 or 6, maybe sooner but I remember that was really when we started hanging out, and it was pretty much like that until his death. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Marcus was going to come and visit me for my birthday. I called him up to finalize everything and his roommate answered the phone, and he told me what had happened..... I had been working at CAT for about a month and told my supervisor that I needed to leave, and what had happened. She said take as much time as you needed. (I don't think I ever thanked her for that, so if you are reading this, Thank you.) It just did not sink in until I drove home and saw his Mom and Dad, my second parents. Then it hit me...... This was one of the first times I really had to deal with death. I have had relatives die, but no one so close as Marcus was to me. Sometimes I think I still don't think I know how to act. I was 20 years old and my best friend had just died......It sucked, it still sucks and it is not fair he had to die so young. It really is true that only the good die young, cause he was one of the best.
I remember talking to his brothers and sisters, from his Dads' previous marriage, after the funeral in the barn and just telling stories about him. They lived so far away and did not really know him like I knew him. It helped them just as it helped me.
It is very hard for me to sometime talk about him, but I think about him everyday and miss him very much. This is one of the last pictures I have with him. It is at my college graduation diner.

I am very sad that he will not be part of Gillian's life in body, but you can bet she will know who he was.
Marcus spent a few years in Alaska when he was young and there were not many kids around his home for him to play with, at least that is how I remember the story, maybe Annie can correct me if I am wrong. Anyways, so there were not many kids around so to keep himself entertained he had an imaginary friend that was a Wolf.
This is why I spent 4 hours in a chair getting this.

It hurt, I am not going to lie, but it was worth it for me to help deal with his death. It was very therapeutic to sit in a chair and talk to Kevin at Tattoo Zoo and tell him why I wanted this tattoo. I think I ended up getting this a couple years after his death.
This is also the reason my sister and my brother in law have tattoos of Wolves. Marcus was like a brother to her also, and she misses him just like anyone else.
While we are talking about Wolves, my other brother in law got me a Wolf for Christmas, his name is Spruce.

And Karlee got Gillian a Wolf too when she was born. Her name is Angel.

I am still waiting for the truck to deliver them ;)
Actually we adopted these Wolves for a year from Wolf Haven International, and I think I will renew it over and over again. It was a great gift, for a great cause.
That is probably the most I have talked about Marcus in a long time, and it truly helped in writing this. I am not so good with words, but I hope you know a little bit more about me now. Thanks to everyone who helps me, my Mom, Marcus' Mom and everyone else in our little town who has lost so much in these last 10 years. I think about all of you all of the time, and I know I should call more :) I love you all.

Whenever I look at Gillian and Heather, I think how lucky I am that I have them both. I don't know what I would do with out them. Heather I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I love you very much, and am so thankful when I wake up and see you next to me, and for what you gave me in Gillian. She is perfect.



Give someone you know a big hug and kiss tonight, and remember those who have left us to soon..... Good Night.

Casey